Podcast Episode 8: Don’t Fear Le Reaper

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Are you afraid of death? My old friend Doug Marshall asked that question of me recently, so we saved the discussion for the podcast. Doug’s PhD thesis addressed this very topic, trying to understand how we find meaning in life and death through the tradition of the New Orleans jazz funeral.

This may be a heavy topic, but true to form, we definitely got plenty of jokes in there. This topic fascinates me in general, so I hope you enjoy listening as much as I enjoyed the conversation.

Click here if you prefer to listen on iTunes.

00:00 Intro
- Meet Doug, a church camp friend of mine from TWENTY YEARS ago. Gross.
- Doug gives a little background on the topic and his personal experience with it.

04:36 Pod Pourri
- Learn why Doug selected this topic for his dissertation (SPOILER: it’s the music).
- What exactly is a jazz funeral?
- Doug mentions a New Orleans jazz album by Hugh Laurie (yes, THAT Hugh Laurie), which you can find on Spotify.
- I share some responses I got from Facebook friends when I posed the question, “Do you fear death?” Some of them surprised me…
- Doug and I get into some “would you rather” hypotheticals about dying and SHIT. GETS. REAL.

49:38 If I Were You
- Doug tells you where to go if you visit New Orleans!
- He then explains how even YOU can confront your fear of death for only $19.99 if you act now!
- I stump him with the “what song(s) would be played at your jazz funeral” question, but he has PLENTY of answers for what to play at mine…

53:48 Outro
- Doug can be found on Twitter and Instagram under the handle @DJMuddy.
- Post-podcast, he shared some of his favorite New Orleans brass music with me. You should check it out on Spotify:
Magnificent Sevenths – Authentic New Orleans Jazz Funeral
Rebirth Brass Band 

Thanks for tackling this taboo subject with us, everyone! I hope we entertained/offended you all equally.

MiscellAddious: The Musical

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Oh heyyyyyyyyy how are you? How about this weather we’re having? How’s your mom? How about my pathetic stalling tactics?

I’m sorry I neglected you AGAIN. I’ve been busy, honest. Ohhhhh, you’re busy too, huh? So you’re raising two kids, working full time, and running a charity? BIG WHOOP. Get back to me when you’ve eaten half a bowl of cookie dough and caught up on New Girl. Pssshhhhaw.

Arcade Comedy
On Friday night, the new Arcade Comedy Theater downtown opened its doors for the first time to the Cultural District Gallery Crawl. My husband and I, acting as comedy troupe Frankly Scarlett’s house band The Give-a-Damns, performed a couple of arcade themed covers (“Pinball Wizard” for example) and just generally wooed the crowds with our charm and talent.

Arcade has asked me to act as a musical talent and booking agent of sorts, so if you know a funny or unusual musical act in the area (or if you ARE one), please get in touch with me!

SWAN Day
This year, Camelia Road was asked to collaborate on SWAN’s closing number with fellow Pittsburgh artists Emay and Continuum Dance Theater. I‘ve always written my music alone and with my own methods, so collaborating with another musician in the writing stage has caused me some… uh… insecurity.

Oh, you want me to expose my vulnerability to others? BRB.

Yet Another Music Project
Sometimes I think I’m involved in plenty of musical endeavors and even just one more thing would break the singing camel’s back. Then someone starts talking me up about a new idea and I decide that it can’t POSSIBLY be a bad idea to get involved in more creative things because yay music! It’s kind of like that whole “God never gives us more than we can handle” saying, except in this scenario I guess I’m God? And I have to decide how much is too much for myself to handle, and I still haven’t resolved that rock-so-big-even-I-can’t-lift-it thing so how can I possibly be expected to figure this one out?

Ohhhhhhhhh, NOW it makes sense.  

I’m sorry if this post proved disappointing because the title had you expecting a musical. Imagine how ambitious it would be to actually write one of those! That’s so much work1!

So what are YOUR excuses for not posting on your blog more often? Tell me all about it in the comments!

1Okay, yes, at some point I agreed to write a musical with a local theater company. Don’t look at me like that! The timeline is open-ended!

Podcast Episode 7: Movers & Shakers

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Intro
Moving to a new city when you’re a kid SUCKS. Spending a lot of your childhood doing just that is something that my BFF Anne Marie Sweeney and I have in common, and we’d love to tell you alllllllllll about it.

Click here if you prefer to listen on iTunes.

02:16 Pod Pourri
- Why the eff did we have to move around so much?
- Having siblings seemed to soften the blow of relocating. Sorta.
- Anne Marie became heavily involved in drugs. Or was it drama club? I can’t remember.
- Eventually, she moved to Pittsburgh! Yay! And we became besties and rode off into the sunset on two white horses who are also besties!
- Imagine an act in a comedy show playing this song. You’d want to run out the door, but you’d be a fool because IT GETS FUNNY I PROMISE. (SPOILER: Anne Marie didn’t run!)

51:47 Games People Play
- We’re a couple of majorly competitive b-holes.
- We each play a card from the game Identity Crisis! READY GO!
- I accuse Anne Marie of abusing the power of “house rules” and she accuses me of being a poor sport. We’re both right.

01:00 Outro
- Anne Marie, you are a shiny diamond in a sea of poo. Thanks for podcasting with me!
- Check out Hustlebot and the Improv Jam, because they get mentioned on every other episode so why not this one?
- Anne Marie has been doing some acting, so if you’re in Chicago, check out the Hyde Park Community Players!

Best Shit Ever: 2012 Edition

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It’s that time of year again when self-important bloggers everywhere make lists of their favorite things from the past year for you to “ooh” and “ahh” about. I’m certainly not above it.

Here’s a collection of things I recommend that I had the pleasure of discovering just this year despite the fact that some of them have been around longer. What can I say? I’ve never been a cool kid.

Cards Against Humanity: A Party Game for Horrible People
When a friend described this game as a filthy version of Apples to Apples, I knew I had to have it. I purchased the official card pack, but they do have a free downloadable version online! Warning: It is not suitable for your kids. Or your parents.

Your Away Message Twitter Parody Account
Sometimes it feels like watching from afar as that sorority girl you sorta knew in college went through an embarrassing public breakup. Other times it’s as if you’re going back through your OWN instant messenger history. Nostalgia-laugh headache!

Fashion to Figure Trendy Clothes for Fatties
I have gotten more compliments on the dresses I’ve purchased here than ANY other store. They have plenty of modern stuff, but I’ve found some great classic dresses that are perfect for work or a night on the town.

British TV series Misfits On Hulu+
The first two seasons of this are some of the best television I’ve ever seen. Described as a sci-fi comedy drama, this shit had me in stitches every episode. The incredible characters are brought to life by a truly talented cast, and the soundtrack is so good I was compelled to create a Spotify playlist for it. Do yourself a favor and add it to that long list of shows you need to watch.

Sephora Bain Dissolvent Express Instant Nail Polish Remover
Small bottle, big difference. It feels smoother, smells nicer, and works better. I now hate using any other kind of polish remover.

Podcasts
Naturally, I’m quite enamored with my own podcast. SHOCKER. But there are so many other good ones out there! I really dig You Had to Be There with Sarah Schaefer and Nikki Glaser and of course RadioLab is always riveting (and no, I don’t care if you don’t count it as a podcast). But my absolute favorite this year has been Professor Blastoff. It’s basically just a bunch of pals shooting the shit with a variety of guests. Sometimes they do bits, sometimes shit gets real, and sometimes they force themselves to fake laugh and it turns into the most beautiful conglomeration of real and fake laughs that the world has ever known. Plus it’s Tig Notaro, and who doesn’t love her?

Aaaaaaand that’s what I’ve been doing with all my time this year. Watching TV, listening to podcasts, and doing my nails. It’s the only way to maintain this killer bod! So tell me, what were your favorite discoveries in 2012?

Podcast Episode 6: 48 Hour Film Frenzy

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I’m back! And this time I worked my equipment correctly! Mostly!

Intro
My guest this round is Kahmeela Adams-Friedson, movie buff, producer, and all around delight. Officially.

Click here if you prefer to listen on iTunes.

02:46 Pod Pourri
- What the eff is a 48 Hour Film Project?
- There’s a 48 Hour MUSIC VIDEO Project WHAAAAAT?
- The Hollywood Theater in Dormont. You guys? GO THERE.

28:02 If I Were You
- 48 Hour Film Project advice!
- We recommend “worst movies ever” for you to see! Some of which we love without irony!

48:43 Games People Play
- Personality test based on your top ten movies! See for yourself at cinescopes.com…
- The results are…. questionable? But entertaining, no less.

57:56 Outro
- You can find Kahmeela on Tumblr or Twitter!
- Don’t forget to check out 48hourfilm.com/pittsburgh, too!
- Kahmeela mentioned a very cool project called Write to Rebuild, which is a competition for original screenwriters to submit stories about natural disasters. The winner will be produced as a short film with Theo Rossi from Sons of Anarchy in the lead role! Visit w2r.org for more details.
- Her actual job is with MCG Jazz, which seems to have some sweet shows coming up so pop over to their calendar for more info.
Thanks for adding it up with us!

Podcast Episode 5: Sibling Revelry

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Intro
It’s the holidays, and that means spending LOTS of time with family. I decided it would make sense to share some childhood stories, so my guest this time around was my brother, Andrew. He also brought his dog Rusty, who didn’t have much to contribute to this topic. Probably because he’s an only child.

Click here if you prefer to listen on iTunes.


02:24 Pod Pourri
- Our childhood stories! Appendicitis, broken bones, and runaway cars! How did we survive?
- YOUR childhood stories! How did YOU guys survive stuffing each other into sleeping bags and beating the life out of each other until you passed out? Good grief.
- Twigg sibling musical tastes & harmonizing ESP

44:59 Games People Play
- MARIO KART BATTLE MODE!
- Whoops, we remembered some more childhood stories. Let’s add them here!
- Taboo ESP! Celebrity! Party games are where it’s at.
- We get our competitiveness honestly…

58:45 Outro
- Y’all can find Andrew on Twitter @andrewtwigg or on Instagram @andrew_twigg!
- Thanks for joining me, bro. I love you.
- Leave your sibling stories in the comments!

F*ck the Halls, Just Deck the Doors

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I love Christmastime. I’m a big ol’ sap for it. YES, THAT IS A TREE JOKE.

Even though I’m not as close-knit with my family as many others are, I tend to romanticize spending time with them over the holidays. Unfortunately, I’m not into decorating much. My laziness totally beats out my enthusiasm like some sort of rock-paper-scissors game where it’s enthusiasm instead of a rock and laziness instead of paper. Except there’s no third thing to balance them out, and it doesn’t totally make sense because wouldn’t you consider rocks to be lazier than paper? I mean, rocks just sit there. At least paper is useful.

So what solved my decorating dilemma? For the last few years, mom and dad have sent me a beautiful Christmas wreath to hang on my front door. I’ve decided this wreath is all the decoration I’ll ever need, and for a number of reasons.

5. It goes on the outside of the door, so there’s no mess inside the house! I don’t have to complain incessantly! At least not specifically about this!

4. It’s from mom and dad, so it makes me think of them.

3. These things last FOR. EVER.  Seriously, I think we finally got rid of it in like March last year. They’re like the Twinkies of the Christmas decoration world. This is doubly awesome because my aforementioned laziness prevents me from disposing of them promptly. Then again, who doesn’t love Christmas in July!

2. People who see my home only from the outside will notice the lovely wreath and assume my entire house is decorated perfectly and smells of sugar cookies and Christmas boners. Which is probably redundant because I imagine Christmas boners probably smell like sugar cookies.

1. In case you hadn’t noticed, my last name is Twigg. Technically, all I really need to do is keep myself decorated, which I do year ’round, y’all. YES, THAT IS ANOTHER TREE JOKE.

What are your favorite Christmas decorations?

Down with a Sickness

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Dudes and lady dudes. The weather? I am under it.

I always feel slightly delirious when I get sick enough to be couch-ridden. I start contemplating what life will be like as a vegetable, which is kind of ironic because I typically don’t like vegetables and I’m super picky about the ones I eat. I mean, I like raw carrots but not cooked ones, and I like cooked asparagus but I don’t eat it raw. I like broccoli and cauliflower both ways, but now that I say that, it sounds kind of perverted so maybe forget I mentioned it.

Aaaaaaaaanyway, I’ve jotted down some of my thoughts over the last few days of misery. And by misery I mean slowly burying myself in an avalanche of tissues and despair.

  • Bathing is overrated! I hardly miss it.
  • What’s that smell?
  • If I could just relieve this congestion, I’d feel so much better!
  • If I could just stop my nose from running, I’d feel so much better!
  • If I could just get rid of this cough, I’d feel so much better!
  • If I could just get a complete respiratory system transplant but without having to have any actual surgery and just skip that whole part about taking drugs so that my body doesn’t reject it, I’d feel so much better!
  • Ahhhh, a little steam on my face feels really OH GOD MY NOSTRILS ARE SEARED
  • I bet seared nostrils are considered a delicacy somewhere in the world.

Know what? That’s probably enough for now. I should get back to my Mucinetflix.

Gravy Training

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Despite her children being in their 30′s, our mom is constantly dishing out the kind of advice that should be reserved for kindergarteners. This habit combined with the her being the meekest among us makes her an easy target for teasing. That is, until she becomes a moving target.

Every year at Thanksgiving dinner, we have delicious homemade gravy. And every year, Mom pours that gravy into a lovely white gravy boat on a lovely white gravy boat plate. And every year, when she picks up the plate to pass it to the person next to her, she reminds us to be careful because the gravy boat is not attached. And it’s the same for the next person. And the next person. And the person after that. And the dog. And the neighbors. And the mayor. And THE GRAVY BOAT IS NOT. FRICKING. ATTACHED. YOU GUYS.

Like any loving family should, we tease her mercilessly over this. Nowadays, we beat her to the punch, loudly and repeatedly reminding the table that the gravy boat is NOT ATTACHED, no matter who is doing the passing or receiving. But do you wanna know the funny thing? Regardless of who is doing the reminding, the effect is the same: we know to handle that boat with care.

By Thanksgiving Day of 2011, the dining room tables had turned. The gravy hardly got passed even once before Mom suddenly burst out giggling. When she finally caught her breath, she proudly explained that she had just pranked us — by using sticky tack to ATTACH THE GRAVY BOAT TO THE GRAVY BOAT PLATE.

Turns out? Sticky tack melts under gravy-serving temperature, which ultimately taught Mom a tougher, gummier lesson than the rest of us when it came time to do the dishes. I’d like to say the joke was on her, but let’s be honest: the rest of us learned a lesson that day, and it was one we will never, ever forget.

And that? That’s something I’m thankful for.

Podcast Episode 4: Serendipity Doo-Dah

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Do you believe in destiny? Do you try to decipher deeper meaning from what may be just coincidence? We tackle the subject and toss you a few good laughs along the way.

Click here to listen on iTunes instead.

Intro
My guest for this episode is David Fedor, Pittsburgh comedian, improviser, and member of the comedy troupe Hustlebot.

02:48 Pod Pourri
- We wax philosophical about the origins of a belief (or lack of belief) in destiny.
- Dave talks about his weirdo encounters with the number 22 and I share my own coincidental anecdotes.
- Dave shares a very personal account of the somewhat strange series of events leading up to his father’s death.
- Some friends of mine submitted their own destiny/coincidence stories for sharing. Let’s judge them!
- Serendipity is a terrible movie and we both LOVE IT.

44:45 Games People Play
- Frisketball, you guys.
- Hustlebot’s short film Roll the Dice has an official drinking game! (Aside: you MUST listen to the podcast sodelet of Hustlebot’s Ding Dong Power Hour!)
- We discuss games involving luck vs. skill. SCRABBLE IS NOT ALL LUCK, YOU GUYS.

Outro
- Check out Hustlebot and the Pittsburgh Improv Jam!
- Dave is also on Twitter at @DSFedor!

If you have any intriguing stories about coincidence or fate, leave ‘em in the comments! And thanks for adding it up with us!