Totally Bogus

We’ve all had embarrassing public bathroom experiences. My first one happened at the tender age of 10 when I was in the fifth grade. Most other girls had done their business between classes, so there were only two of us in there when it happened. All was quiet.

Then, suddenly…


Yup. The fourth grade commentary on my fifth grade bodily functions was simply, “bogus.” Surprisingly, I was able to overcome my shame and I can still poo comfortably in public restrooms. My fart heart goes out to those who can’t.

Got any embarrassing stories of your own? Come on, I know you doo. Heh.

16 thoughts on “Totally Bogus

  1. First of all, I routinely tell Tim, “I love you with all my fart. I mean, heart.” And he chuckles every time.

    Secondly, it would be lying by omission if I didn’t mention that Tim sometimes calls me Bruce because of my gross, man-ish sounding farts. Like I told you the other night: I’m actually a dude in a girl’s body!

    • Um, that is adorable and also this needs to be added to the list of reasons we are the same person. Joe routinely tells me how gross I am! Farting is one of life’s little joys and I am not afraid to let my tooter flag fly!

  2. I seriously can’t believe that I am posting this….

    When I was in second or third grade (I honestly can’t remember, as that time in my life was filled with more bullying than I care to recall) I was in class, and suffering from a cold. I sneezed, and apparently, it was such a violent sneeze, that I farted… VERY LOUDLY…. at the same time. I instantly knew what had happened, and was hoping that the volume of the sneeze in my head was loud enough to drown out the farting sound.

    No dice.

    Next thing I know, my entire class AND EVEN THE TEACHER was laughing.

    Yeah – there was no saving that one.

  3. Okay…not my own story…(honestly)…but a friend in OT school told me this one about her… on her way to OT class she had unfortunately be chosen by a bird to be shat upon that day. So naturally first thing she goes into the bathroom to try to clean herself up. Now there are other people in the bathroom etc, but she is obvi focused on cleaning herself up. She’s looking at the damage in the mirror and starts exclaiming, “Oh my GOD! That is so gross! Disgusting! Ugggggh.” etc, and immediately after that a woman in the stall behind her says “I’m sorry! I am not feeling well. I cannot help this!” Upon which my friend realizes that the woman thought she was making the comments about her bowel movements. She quickly apologized, finished cleaning up and ran out of the bathroom before the woman could exit the stall.

    makes me laugh every time i think about that story!

  4. I remember having this conversation with you! You have always been comfortable with doing your business in public restrooms. didn’t you used to light a match or something?? I don’t know why I remember you saying that when we were at a rest stop or something. 🙂 I give you credit because I have never been able to go poo in public. 🙂

    • Ugh, I cannot imagine! A friend of mine refuses to poo in public and used to be a counselor at a summer camp. He would not poo for a whole week. How does that not KILL a person? And I’m not sure about the whole light-a-match thing, but I will sometimes spray the little bottle of travel hairspray I keep in my purse to freshen things up a bit when I’m done. 🙂

      • If you’re talking about who I think you are–it was, in fact, a whole MONTH of summer camp and no pooping. And he, in fact, had to go to the hospital because of it.

        Coo-coo, coo-coo. Or should I sayyyyy poo-poo, poo-poo!

        • Then you will be interested to know that at Jody’s wedding this past September, mom and dad sat with a table of my friends plus the classical guitarist, and within 5 minutes of arriving the table was discussing either farting or pooping (I don’t recall which). The guitar guy apparently did not stick around long. So yes, it must be a Twigg thing. 🙂

  5. i recall at one point using the bathroom in the dorm at college, and for some reason it was particularly busy. one dude, when finished doing his thing, yelled at the top of his lungs “FIRE IN THE HOLE!” and flushed, running out of the bathroom triumphantly.
    you never heard so much laughter in a bathroom.

  6. Uh, holy shit. I cannot stop laughing at “bogus,” which is totally what I’m going to say whenever I hear any bodily function-related sounds in the bathroom at work (because believe me, I hear them, and believe me, they are bogus).

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