Why I’m Mad At Madge

I’m mad at Madonna.

No, it’s not because of her ridiculous fake accent. Or the snotty comment about Mother Monster. It’s not the fact that at 53, she’s more fit than I’ve ever been. You guys, it’s not even how blatantly boring and unimaginative her recent single is. Nope.

It’s her face. It’s her sunken-cheeked, tautly-pulled, creepishly glossy ol’ mug.

When I was little, Madge was untouchable. Zero f*cks were given about others’ opinions of her. As an artist, she did what she wanted and offended on purpose — even her fans, and unapologetically. She wrote a whole song about how she’s not sorry. On American Bandstand, she famously told Dick Clark she wanted to rule the world, stating, “I think I’ve always had a lot of confidence in myself.”

And “confidence” is still the first word that comes to mind these days!
Right after “No.”

Our parents once made us cut up a CD of hers because it was too suggestive. Yes, we literally cut it up with scissors. And now that’s what surgeons do TO HER FACE.

I resent the notion that men get better with age but women have to fight to stay young-looking, and it disappoints me that Madonna succumbs to that crap. Idiots like Heidi Montag don’t surprise me, but that’s because they’re idiots. I suppose I held the Queen of Pop to a higher standard, perhaps because she seems like such a health nut. And true health nuts don’t implant themselves with foreign objects and chemicals… right?

Cosmetic surgery has become so common that I could probably learn to forgive a nip or a tuck here and there — but have you seen her cheekbones? It’s like they got jealous of her kneecaps and overcompensated for it. That’s not just a nip/tuck, that’s a whole season of it on DVD.

You know where this will eventually lead, right?

‘Cept glowier. Probably.

To me, the biggest letdown is seeing a woman I once thought was practically invincible to the world’s standards of beauty suddenly bowing down to them. Those unruly eyebrows! That gap between her two front teeth! She wasn’t just ahead of the curve, she was setting it.

The Material Girl’s penchant for “pushing the envelope” (to use her own words) seems at odds with giving in to peer pressure on a matter as heavy as cosmetic surgery. But it looks like the only envelope she’s pushing these days is one filled with cash, toward her plastic surgeon.

I wonder if she knows he’s not REALLY a doctor…

It’s like Madame says. “Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly is all the way to the bone.” And that goes triple for the ones in Madonna’s cheeks.

12 thoughts on “Why I’m Mad At Madge

  1. i was never super into madonna’s music, but i always thought she was very important. now i think she’s a crazy cracker. i’m still holding out for someone to take her place, but no one really has (not even Lady Gaga, or the one i had initially hoped would do it, Gwen Stefani). i think we need there to be a “Madonna”, and while she was able to do it for a loooooong time, she clearly no longer can. sadly, i don’t know who will.
    also, all these celebrity idiots we grew up with: do they think we can’t do math? we KNOW how old they are, so what’s the point in all this plastic surgery. is someone going to think Madonna is like 25 – 30? gimme a break.
    i worked with a lady at HPB who was the same age as Madge, had given birth to 5 kids, never had a stitch of plastic surgery, and was way hotter. yes, i said it. she was hotter than (current) Madonna. ya heard? i mean, she looks like what a 53 year old lady should look like, and she’s hot. she stopped dying her hair and would straight up tell people she was 53. all you could say was “scared of you!” cuz she was MILFtastic. Madonna, not so much.

    jeezis, i clearly have a lot to say on this. LOL. sorry for rambling.

    • I agree she seems to have “lost it,” whatever “it” is. As for Gaga being the new Madonna, she is the classy thing we have. She takes risks and even those who hate her can’t stop talking about her. I think maybe the right perspective is that she’s not the new Madonna YET.

      And yeah, we know how old you are, dummy. We also know what overdoing the plastic surgery looks like, so you’re not fooling anyone.

      Please don’t apologize for the rant. I welcome it!

  2. Well said, Addi. It’s almost like she wants people to think that as you age, your teeth start to gap and your cheekbones sink in. Or,she wants people to think that yoga does those things to people. Even her new single is like an attempt to remain young – kind of reminds me of the route Gwen Stefani took with Hollaback Girl (except Gwen pulled it off). It just doesn’t fit Madonna. And I agree – a little nip/tuck here and there would be understandable. If I was on display to millions of people, I would want to make sure I looked as good as possible. But to transform your entire face to one that is almost unrecognizable is not okay. And what is with that accent? So when you marry a British man you just inherit the accent, too? Funny, because I lived with my Mom for 24 years, yet never developed an accent.

    • I agree Gwen pulled it off and Madonna most certainly did not. She isn’t fooling anyone but herself. We all know she’s old enough to be our mom, and if our moms, no matter how fit, were romping around like Madge does in this video, we’d be dying of embarrassment. Mind you, our mothers aren’t Madonna, but you get my drift.

      And your point about the accent is hilarious! I always wondered about that!

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