Double Exposure Debacle

Remember that time I put on a perfectly nice dress in the morning and by the time I got to work it had shifted so far down my front that if not for the fluffy scarf I blissfully and ignorantly threw on, probably while whistling, I would have revealed not only too much cleavage but my ENTIRE RACK at my place of work and probably would have gotten arrested for indecent exposure and (let’s face it, with these puppies) public endangerment?

Oh, you don’t remember that? Funny, because it JUST. HAPPENED. YESTERDAY.

But don’t worry, I’m what Erykah Badu would call a bag lady (though I’m not sure someone who changed their last name to BAH-DOO on purpose really gets to call OTHER PEOPLE names) so I carry a work bag fully stocked with all sorts of contraptions for corralling my gazongas when they try to escape. Within 5 minutes of recognizing the problem, I was well on my way to solving it with these five easy steps:

  1. Curse fashion.
  2. Remember you keep a small tin of fashion tape in your work bag, because sometimes you’re a genius.
  3. Stop congratulating yourself and APPLY THE DAMN FASHION TAPE ALREADY.
  4. Hope and pray that no one saw you doing this at your desk just now because whoops.
  5. Periodically check the adhesive throughout the day to ensure that it remains intact.

SPOILER ALERT: It does. Crisis averted. This time.

7 thoughts on “Double Exposure Debacle

  1. HAAAhaha. Loved this!

    My most embarrassing fashion failure was the time I wore tights with one of those jersey skirts. Jersey skirts are loose-fitting in the waist, which is why they’re great. I didn’t totally put it together that tights would make my waist a tad smaller and more slippery and make the skirt fit even more loosely. Anyway, halfway down my block a few years ago while walking to the bus stop, I noticed that my ass felt kinda cold and I realized the skirt had fallen to about crotch-level, so my tights-encased bum was definitely exposed to a few houses. Whoooooops.

  2. OMG…I love your steps…they are perfect. 🙂 I don’t really have a similar story…I remember one time my tank top I had under my slightly see through shirt was being pulled down towards my ta-tas and was essentially showing off my bra, but not that big a deal – right??

    • That’s tame for a slut such as yourself! JUST KIDDING. You’re not a slut (you’re whatever the current PC term is for slut).

  3. Ahhhhh, yes, I relate to this all too well. I have a nice warm weather dress that I rarely wear to work because I ever time I do, I’m reminded why I DON’T wear it to work…

    • Right?!? Like, I have certain articles of clothing that need to have personalized warning tags. “Wear only with boob scarf” would likely be the most common.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.