F*ck the Halls, Just Deck the Doors

I love Christmastime. I’m a big ol’ sap for it. YES, THAT IS A TREE JOKE.

Even though I’m not as close-knit with my family as many others are, I tend to romanticize spending time with them over the holidays. Unfortunately, I’m not into decorating much. My laziness totally beats out my enthusiasm like some sort of rock-paper-scissors game where it’s enthusiasm instead of a rock and laziness instead of paper. Except there’s no third thing to balance them out, and it doesn’t totally make sense because wouldn’t you consider rocks to be lazier than paper? I mean, rocks just sit there. At least paper is useful.

So what solved my decorating dilemma? For the last few years, mom and dad have sent me a beautiful Christmas wreath to hang on my front door. I’ve decided this wreath is all the decoration I’ll ever need, and for a number of reasons.

5. It goes on the outside of the door, so there’s no mess inside the house! I don’t have to complain incessantly! At least not specifically about this!

4. It’s from mom and dad, so it makes me think of them.

3. These things last FOR. EVER.  Seriously, I think we finally got rid of it in like March last year. They’re like the Twinkies of the Christmas decoration world. This is doubly awesome because my aforementioned laziness prevents me from disposing of them promptly. Then again, who doesn’t love Christmas in July!

2. People who see my home only from the outside will notice the lovely wreath and assume my entire house is decorated perfectly and smells of sugar cookies and Christmas boners. Which is probably redundant because I imagine Christmas boners probably smell like sugar cookies.

1. In case you hadn’t noticed, my last name is Twigg. Technically, all I really need to do is keep myself decorated, which I do year ’round, y’all. YES, THAT IS ANOTHER TREE JOKE.

What are your favorite Christmas decorations?

2 thoughts on “F*ck the Halls, Just Deck the Doors

  1. I want to applaud this post, as I also only have said same Christmas wreath on my door at the moment. I also leave said same Christmas wreath up until at least March (or longer). I will also admit that I stand and sniff that damned thing like a dog at a hydrant every time I come home.

    • RIGHT?!? That’s another perk. It’s just such a simple decoration that captures the essence of Christmas. I’m so glad I’m not the only one who leaves it up forevs.

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