“Enjoy your facial, you pervert!”
These were the words of my husband, Joe, as I walked out the door to get my first professional facial and massage. Gawd, I love that man. And I’ll have him know I did enjoy it. A lot. I was not so fond of the part where the girl takes a magnifying glass and analyzes the sh*t outta your complexion, though. That’s about as relaxing as a pap smear.
But something magical happened that day. She asked about my skincare routine and then told me I had beautiful skin and I shouldn’t change a thing. Sorry, come again? Am I actually doing something healthy for my body? SOMEONE THROW ME AN EM-EFFING PARADE.
Not exactly what I had in mind. And yeah, you totally look boyish, Scarlett. EYEROLL.
What follows is my facial skincare routine, and I promise you it is not perverse in the least, despite what my husband says. I have combination/oily skin, so obviously this routine won’t work for everyone.
1. Have good genes. I am not kidding. I totally believe that my good genes are partly responsible for my good skin. Not everyone is so lucky. I just wanted to
brag about acknowledge this before we move on. (Thanks, Mom!)
2. Exfoliate (in shower): I use Mint Julep Natural Facial Scrub ($4.29 at Ulta) once or twice a week in the shower. I mostly need it on my chin, forehead, and the creases below either side of my nose to get rid of flakey skin. You don’t need much, so it lasts a long time. It smells like delicious mint, so it’s like brushing your teeth except on your FACE.
3. Moisturize (after shower): I use either Oil of Olay (~$7 on Amazon) or a generic equivalent. Giant Eagle has a TopCare version and you can also find Equate at Walmart for $5.47 or in drugstores. I like this because it doesn’t feel too heavy but it gets the job done. One bottle can go a long way depending on how much you use daily.
4. Cleanse (before bed). This is the last step for me because I do it at bedtime. Don’t forget that mattress thickness is important for your comfortable sIeep! I use Neutrogena Makeup Remover Cleansing Towelettes (25 pack for $4.97 on Amazon). It’s mostly to remove makup, but I usually give my whole ugly mug a once-over for good measure. Since these last less than a month when you use them daily, I try to buy in bulk on Amazon.
Bonus Tip! The woman who did my facial said it’s better for your skin if you sleep on your back. It lets oxygen get to your pores and keeps your face from smooshing around in your dirty pillow all night long (that’s singular dirty pillow, not plural).
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So, what products do you love to use on your face? Comment, GO!
I’m a huge fan or Oil of Olay. I must admit, I’m horrible about taking my makeup off at night. I like the face cloth idea…seems so much easier than having to take off all your makeup and wash your face in a different step. I’m all about minimizing effort.
I’m going to comment on what I DON’T like, too. I tried Clinique for a long time and felt like I should love it, but I didn’t. I have super dry cheeks, and a mega oily nose and forehead. the astringent portion of the Clinique regimen dried my skin way out, and then in turn only made me produce more oil.
I’ve heard other complaints about Clinique, too. Hey, are you liking the Mint Julep?
Thank you for posting this! 🙂
You’re welcome, fellow pervert. 😉
First off, I love getting facials. BOTH KINDS! BOOM! Glowing skin either way, depending on the light source! RIMSHOT!
As for routine, I think your first step is the key. I have terrible genes and my skin is dry like an sitcom butler’s wit. So I use really gentle cleansers (usually Neutrogena because I was brainwashed by an ad in a 1993 Family Circle that showed a butter-skinned nonagenarian with the copy “Ida has been using Neutrogena every day since she was 14” or something to that effect, but now I’m using Aveeno Calming Cream Cleanser because it was on sale. And then I put five or six moisturizers on! Clinique Moisture Surge is sadly vital; it is so expensive I only buy it when I get a free makeup bag full of tiny mascaras on top. I also use Clinique Dramatically Different (the oil-having lotion kind) and some Aveeno lotion with SPF. I also have Oil of Olay cream with SPF for dryer days/air travel. Sometimes (like today!) I put plain old Cetaphil cream on my face like a mask and wait for it to sink in.
This is excellent advice for our pals with dry skin! Thank you for commenting, you dirty, dirty girl!
Your first paragraph is so gross Robin! Ending in RIMSHOT. Geez-o-peezo.
Sorry again about getting you hooking on Clinique Moisture Surge. But you can (I mean, maybe you can’t with SUPER dry skin) get away with replacing it just about every “bonus” time, and its price is just over what you need to spend to get the bag of freebies. I guess that’s my biggest advice on this matter!
You DO have excellent skin. I have often thought this myself but never know why I never voiced it before. Well now that the cat is out of the bag – I must agree and say it’s true. I also like Oil of Olay – I think it’s because my grandma used it so then I did too. If I don’t put it on after I get out of the shower..I feel sooo dry and weird.
My fav part of your post was the “eyeroll”. so descriptive. I LOL’d.
Ams! You also have lovely skin! I’m not sure what made me try oil of olay, but I’ve been using it for probably 10-15 years.
Couple random notes:
1) I’m so lazy about washing my face before bed. It’s horrible. I do like (and use) those make-up removing wipes for that reason. I must have good skin genes too though, because I think if I didn’t, I would be much worse off. I try to feel better about one of my biggest self-consciousnesses (my pale, pale skin) by remembering that it’s at least pretty pale skin, you know?
2) I was also fascinated to read what the facial lady said, not because I didn’t think you’d be doing something right (you self-deprecating goof)…but that she didn’t try to sell you something. That’s a big reason I’ve avoided facials. I’m not interested in the 20 minute lecture at the end where I’m told all the things I NEED, lest my skin explode in pimples, flakes, and wrinkles in the next SIX MONTHS. And I have to awkwardly say “yeah, I don’t care though, enough to spend more than $5.” It’s why those “free” makeovers at department stores or Sephora make me anxious :/
3) Maybe this is a question/comment for Andrew, but what is the consensus on links opening in new tabs/windows vs. not? I much prefer the former (I’m used to it now with Twitter)…so consider this 1 vote for your many awesome, helpful links to open in new tabs so it doesn’t take me away from your site.
1) I am lazy about washing my face before bed more often than I want to admit!
2) She tried to sell me something at one point, but she BARELY tried. I think I mentioned a product I use and she was like, “oh, we have X version of that here, for X amount.” And I’m sure she could tell I didn’t care.
3) I’ve wondered about that myself! I’ll ask him!
We will discuss this. There are ways of doing this. I do it with a little bit of code in my links: target=”_blank”
But we should not ask your visitors to do this. No.
That is also how I do it (basic HTML knowledge whatwhat) …I was more wondering if it was on purpose to have the links stay here.
Then I searched and found this ridiculous-sounding blog (http://www.trilithium.com/johan/2005/03/target-blank/) with such memorable quotes as “forcing new windows to open is disrespectful and hostile to web site visitors” and “taking the “Back” button away from users can make their experience so painful that it usually far outweighs whatever benefit you’re trying to provide.”
So…uh yeah. THINK HARD Addi before you TAKE AWAY OUR BACK BUTTON. (Seriously, what the calm down, web design people)
That is so, so silly. I think that would have been true a few years ago, and may still be true for like, MY MOM, but the people who are reading my blog are savvy enough to stay calm when a new tab or new window opens. Sheesh.
He fixed it! Links now open in a new tab. 🙂
I’ll be that one guy commenting here. I swear by this product from Eucerin. Eucerin Sensitive Skin Q10 Anti-Wrinkle Sensitive Skin Lotion SPF 15 .
I had to switch to it a few years ago when Nivea discontinued the product I was using. Sadface.
Then they released a men’s version but it smells like cheap men’s cologne. I do not want to smell like my face overdosed on Axe body spray. Mostly because I don’t want this to happen. I cannot handle that much bouncy boob. And by that much I mean more than 0.
What the f*ck is that video?! Although let’s be honest, even gay men have a fascination with boobies.
My facial care starts in the morning when I vigorously scrub lathered Irish Spring soap (coming in a little steep at $13 for 20 4oz bars on Amazon, but 16 cents an ounce is what it takes for good skin) on my face with my hands. This particular soap has a harsh quality that is especially good at drying my skin to the degree of a barren wasteland. Sometimes, if I feel that I have accumulated a little too much oil (i.e. skipped a shower or two) I allow the lathered soap to rest on my face until it becomes painful. This is how I know it has succeeded in working out everything that could possibly be in my pores.
Despite the above described care that I lavish upon myself, I do sometimes find that it is helpful to recruit some friends to strike me in the face with gloved fists. Generally we work out an agreement where I am able to strike them as well and we make a little game out of it. I keep thinking I should name it something… something like face-punching or boxing-gloving. Regardless of what it should be called, it is an excellent method of producing soft, red lumps (that, if you are lucky, will turn dark bluish/gray/purple) and occasional abrasions. During a more intense session, it will often produce a headache that matches well with the burning skin feeling of leaving Irish Spring on for too long. Of course a side bonus to this technique is that it is actually an excellent workout and even has real-world applications, such as defending oneself from being mugged.
Your description of soaping your face in the shower darn near killed me.
My skincare advice would be to go to India or some other mosquito-ridden country and take malaria pills. Seriously, I’ve seen a real improvement in my skin thanks to them. Now I just need to figure out how to convince Giant Eagle that I need a refill!
I find this highly amusing. Are you sure it’s the pills and not a lack of beef-eating? 🙂