Podcast Episode 14: Prohibitchin’

A drunk, an ex straight edge kid, and a teetotaler walk into a bar. Except it’s not a bar, it’s my basement studio, and we end up recording a whole podcast together. Do you have regrets from drinking and wish you could cut back? Or do you abstain because of your prudish upbringing? You can be a barfly on the wall for the entire conversation.


Click here to listen on iTunes.

Intro 00:00
Doug is back! Milton is new!
– Thanks for the better title, Newt! I also loved “The Bourne Identiteetotal.”
– Don’t forget to check out our sponsors over at Arcade Comedy Theater!
– We have a new Facebook page! You should “Like” us.
Like Us On Facebook

Pod Pourri 04:23
– Doug talks drinking, Milton talks straight edge, and I admit to being a goody-goody.

Facebook Says 53:42
– New absurd jingle! I mean, really.
– I asked and you delivered, Facebook. Rug-burned boobs are a thing.

Games People Play 57:24
– Straight edge and teetotaling trivia! Which I completely made up!
– You might learn something. Please forgive us.

Outro 01:00:24
– I finally read some reviews on the air! You guys are too kind. And weird.
– These guys are on Twitter under @DJMuddy @rivalsanlendo!
– They’re also both on Instagram at @DJMuddy and @gamera138!
– My musical comedy duo Bait & Switch will be at Arcade Comedy Theater on Friday, April 19 for Fireside Chat with Mark & Jonathan, which is in late night talk show format!

Got any of your own drinking/teetotaler stories to share? Hit me up in the comments!

16 thoughts on “Podcast Episode 14: Prohibitchin’

  1. – Addiholics will be the name of your fan club
    – As someone who is usually trying to talk people into doing the decadent, irresponsible thing, people who don’t drink are generally out of bounds even for me. That said, I really do think it would be fun to get silly on wine coolers with Addi.
    – The FB jingle walks the line between sexy and creepy
    – The rug burn still hurts to think about.

    • Maybe someday I’ll have a fundraiser, and if we get to a certain financial goal, I will get drunk. That is the fattest “maybe” ever. The new jingle creeps even me out, and I wrote the durn thing.

      The rug burn hurts ME to think about, and I never even felt it in real life!

  2. i may be biased, as a participant and such, but that was a super fun show to hear in my ears. i was psyched to do it, had a blast doing it, and look forward to maybe doing it again. true that! almost as fun as drinking (tee-hee)!

    • I genuinely dislike Milton, Addi, This Podcast, and pretty much life in general, but (and here I drop facetiousness) Milton’s explanation for gravitation towards, and abandonment of, the straightedge movement is the most intellectually compelling segment you’ve had on the podcast.

        • as RuPaul often says “if you can’t love yourself, how the hell you gonna love anybody else? canigetanamen???”

      • I appreciate your kind comments. going off the cuff like that is sometimes a recipe for disaster (or at least rambling times), but i was pleased upon hearing it.

  3. Ditto to everything Liz said about how I mostly unrepentantly pressure people to drink but try to avoid bothering non-drinkers about it, yet still want to get Addi drunk on wine coolers.

    I also felt like my friendship with Addi passed some kind of meaningful benchmark when she agreed to an amaretto sour to help me less awkwardly accept a gifted drink at a bar.

    And I really enjoyed listening to this! Doug’s radio voice is amazing! Milton remains as ever a fascinating creature! The new Facebook song makes me tingly!

    • It is a rare occasion that I agree to drink something, so I’m glad you appreciate it. 🙂

      Doug does have a great radio voice. And that Milton is lovable as ever! And I will assume you mean tingly in the bad way, like your leg is asleep!

    • by “fascinating creature” do you mean “rambling windbag”?
      j/k, i appreciate your comments. my self image isn’t *that* low.

  4. As a lifelong non-drinker, I am CONSTANTLY being asked what I’d like to drink — by family. Family. The people who I know and have been around for literally 4 decades. Yes, I understand it’s only polite to ask but at some point you’d think it would set in. These people have never seen me with a drink in my hand, they’ve never seen me drunk or even tipsy and yet the offers persist. I also love when I politely decline a beer, the person says, “Oh, that’s right, you don’t drink — we have wine!” as though that’s nto 100% the same thing.

    As with any personal choice, I don’t feel the need to force my beliefs on anyone else. I don’t drink, that’s pretty much that. If I’m at a party, I abstain from drinking and politely decline any drink offers. I’ve noticed that when you refuse a drink, people can get really squirrelly (see Robin’s comment above). I do my best to put people at ease, let them know I’m not a NARC or whatever, but there’s something about a non-drinker that’s fundametnally unsettling to a drinker — or, I should say, I certain kind of drinker. The kind that projects my non-drinking as judgment on them. To be clear: Yes, I do judge drinkers. I judge them, and I judge them harshly. But I don’t judge them because they drink, I judge them for what they do whilst drunk. If you try to start a fight with me while you’re sloshed? Judged. If you become a total dick? Judged. If you lose control of your motor functions? Judged. If you endanger yourself or others? Judged. If you wind up leaning against a dumpster by the Co-Gos on the Southside whining and begging for death? Judged. Do not mistake — there is judgment in my gaze. But consumption of alcohol is not the source of the judgement, it is your colossally inappropriate choices and how they impact me that force the judgment. And that’s only like 11% of people. Most of the time, we leave each other alone and I’m just that happy-go-lucky guy at the party.

    From listening to Dan Savage, I’ve come to appreciate what I miss out as a non-drinker, from the social and inhibition-reduction aspects of alcohol consumption. My resolve to remain alcohol-free remains, though, because it doesn’t come from a place of moralism or self-loathing; it’s just a choice I’ve made, and it’s about as important as my eye color, so it’s not something I’m not too attached too or preachy about. It also helps, from Savage’s perspective, to understand that his gentle nudging towards alcohol consumption is to loosen up people who need loosening up. I totally understand that, and if I were a passenger on the USS Normal I’d happily take the advice. Since I’m still paddling in my own dinghy, though, I take comfort knowing that his advice to drink is goodnatured, and not from one of cultural hegemony, i.e. “I don’t trust a man who doesn’t drink or smoke” — and that he’ll back down the second you dig in your heels and say “No, really, not for me.”

    That, I think, is the best lesson, when making an offer — once is polite, twice to make sure, thrice you’re a dick.

    • I pretty much agree 100% with what you just said. I do find it interesting that you feel the need to explain that your non-drinking status isn’t coming self-loathing. I find it more logical that someone who drinks in excess would be doing so for that reason, seeing as intoxication seemingly lets one forget themselves, if just for a spell.

    • i never feel the need to make anyone do anything, because i myself don’t want people to make me do anything. i mean anything! it’s not fun.
      the way i see it, if you’re at the age you’re at and have never dranken before (i know it’s “not a real word”…), then there really isn’t any reason to start. i didn’t really make a conscious decision to start drinking once i became an adult. i kinda thought i would never actually drink, Straight -Edge or no. when i did start drinking, it was after i had already become an adult, and i found i enjoyed it, for many of the reasons that you mentioned Dan Savage talks about, and that’s partly why i’d like to do more. i don’t enjoy drinking alone at all; it’s much more a sociable thing for me, tho i do enjoy drinking to what some might call “excess”. to me that’s subjective.
      my point is, aside from all that judge-y stuff, which is just not part of my temperament, i think your comments are quite well thought and well spoken (typed?) on the matter.

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