Double Exposure Debacle

Remember that time I put on a perfectly nice dress in the morning and by the time I got to work it had shifted so far down my front that if not for the fluffy scarf I blissfully and ignorantly threw on, probably while whistling, I would have revealed not only too much cleavage but my ENTIRE RACK at my place of work and probably would have gotten arrested for indecent exposure and (let’s face it, with these puppies) public endangerment?

Oh, you don’t remember that? Funny, because it JUST. HAPPENED. YESTERDAY.

But don’t worry, I’m what Erykah Badu would call a bag lady (though I’m not sure someone who changed their last name to BAH-DOO on purpose really gets to call OTHER PEOPLE names) so I carry a work bag fully stocked with all sorts of contraptions for corralling my gazongas when they try to escape. Within 5 minutes of recognizing the problem, I was well on my way to solving it with these five easy steps:

  1. Curse fashion.
  2. Remember you keep a small tin of fashion tape in your work bag, because sometimes you’re a genius.
  3. Stop congratulating yourself and APPLY THE DAMN FASHION TAPE ALREADY.
  4. Hope and pray that no one saw you doing this at your desk just now because whoops.
  5. Periodically check the adhesive throughout the day to ensure that it remains intact.

SPOILER ALERT: It does. Crisis averted. This time.

Forwarding a Dress

Fall is one of my favorite times of year because LAYERS, EVERYONE. And you know what the best part is? You don’t even need to go shopping! You can take all those cute little dresses you wore all summer and turn them into perfect little autumn ensembles.

Here are some of my favorite summer looks converted for the cooler months.

Indigo Girl
I love this Lane Bryant dress because it’s jersey, so my bits rest comfortably in it. The shoes (Madden Girl) aren’t too cruel, either. The coral belt I personally own is a wide one, but I like the skinny look, too. And of course, BANGLES.

(Click to enlarge)

So if we add a blazer and a scarf, throw in some tights and rich suede wedges… Voilà!

 (Click to enlarge)

Funky Fresh Floral
This floral number from Torrid was my go-to for the spring/summer of 2012. I loved it so much I that a bought a backup! All I had to do was throw on some boots and jewelry and I was all set, day or night. The octopus necklace is from Pageboy in Lawrenceville. They have a HUGE selection of similar items and I highly recommend stopping in.

(Click to enlarge)

The black lace jacket and red belt below are also Torrid. I don’t own the shoes that are pictured, but they capture the essence of the black heels I’d wear with this. I’d probably slip on a chunky ring of some sort with this getup, too. And then there’s my signature — the brightly colored tights.

 (Click to enlarge)

The cold weather is coming, y’all! I CAN SMELL IT.


Accessories: A Touch of Midas

My last post was a little on the heavy side. Let’s lighten things up a bit with some fashion, shall we?

I recently attended the wedding of a close friend and wanted to look especially spectacular, as I would be acting as pro bono DJ of sorts.

Not THAT kind of Bono. Ew.

I knew I wanted to show off my little indigo one-sleeve number from Forever 21, but I kept flip-flopping on what accessories would work best. That dress makes me feel like a goddess, so I decided to just roll with that theme and go bold with GOLD.

Shoes by Carlos Santana (yes, THAT Santana): ~$50 on clearance at Macy’s
Gladiator ring: $20 at NYC flea market
Bracelet: ~$15 at Lane Bryant
Belt: ~$20 at Torrid

I won’t lie, the shoes were KILLING me by the end of the night. But I’m a smart girl who takes her own advice, so I had a pair of flats to change into — gold ones to match my get-up, OF COURSE.

Like a real professional, I completely failed to get a decent snapshot of me actually wearing the ensemble, so this is the best I can do.

Naturally, it was taken at the tail end of the night,
when I was definitely at my freshest!

I’m guilty of cropping out the guys, but my legs were never in the shot to begin with so you *MIDAS WELL believe me that the shoes looked fabulous.

*See what I did there? You did?  Yeah, sorry. They can’t all be gold.

Spring in My Step

I cannot resist the shoe section when I visit a Target. I don’t always buy something, but I always want to. I was there with my bro recently when I spotted these beauties, and I got a WEE bit excited because I’ve been looking for a cute pair of nude heels in either patent leather or suede. These fit the bill juuuuuust right.

Target Women’s Mossimo Paisley Platform Pumps – Blush ($29.99)

Why yes, they ARE the same shade as my pale legs. Thanks for noticing. 

Here are the features I love best:
♥  Nude! Patent!
♥  Platform for the appearance of greater height without the pain
♥  Pop of color on the platform
♥  Strap across the top to prevent slippage

That’s such a sterile photo, though. Let’s get these babies dirty*, shall we?

I love instagram! Mostly because the right effect
can perfectly mask my quarter-inch long leg hair.

And, since it’s hard to see the heel in the above photo (and because I’m a narcissistic em-effer), here is less springy but far leggier shot:

I won’t lie — they’re a little higher than I’m used to, even with the platform. But they have decent padding and honestly, JUST LOOK AT THEM.

*No shoes were dirtied in the making of this post.

Save Our Soles

My lovely friend Abby commented on my first shoe-porn post to ask if I had any tips for wearing heels. Here they are, in all their glory.

I don’t remember when my obsession with shoes began because it was before the memory part of my brain developed. Ok, I’m exaggerating (A LITTLE). As a kid, I could not get enough of my mom’s or her friends’ high heels. I was constantly sneaking into their closets to steal them, even into my pre-teen years.

That’s right. I ride bareback, b*tches. 

Now I’m 32 and my stamina just ain’t what it used to be. I’m not ready to give them up just yet, so I do what I can to make them as comfortable as possible. Here are my tips, in no particular order…

Shoe Structure
If you like ‘em high, look for something with a platform to give the illusion of height without the discomfort. I have several pairs like this that are far more comfortable than they look. For example, the shoe pictured here might look like a medieval torture device, but it is shockingly kind to my feet. I also recommend shoes with straps when possible. Your foot doesn’t have to work as hard to stay in the shoe. And yes, I am fully aware of how stupid that sentence is. Just go with it.

This is a no-brainer, but the kind of pads you buy might be a little tricky. I highly recommend the grippy rubber kind over the clear gel pads. Foot Petals are great for the ball of your foot because they add padding and grip. Buyer beware: the Target knockoffs fell apart under my feet. I mean, I know I’m a fatty but COME ON.

I also swear by heel liners, which help prevent blisters and keep your heel from slipping out of the shoe. I’ve put them in pretty much every pair of heels I own. You can find the Dr. Scholl’s version of these in drugstores. for ~$5.

Friction Reduction
A lot of brands make what you’d basically call chapstick for your feet. The Dr. Scholl’s version is called Rub Relief. You can find it in any drugstore. It reduces discomfort from friction and helps prevent blisters and other irritations. The only rub (HA!) is that it sorta, um, lubes up your feet? So depending on the shoe, you could find yourself sliding right out of them.

Backup Flats
Dr. Scholl’s makes Fast Flats, which you can also find in drugstores. I don’t own these, but a few of my friends do. They’re nice because they can roll up into a compact little ball in your purse. Wearing flats to commute is smart because it spares your feet and prevents unnecessary wear and tear on your pumps. When I have a gig, I often try to wear flats until the very last second before we go on.

Sitting Pretty
Have a seat. No, seriously, sit the f*ck down. This might seem stupid and/or obvious, but if you’re in killer heels and you know you might be on your feet a lot for an event, sit down anytime you get the chance. Even if just for a minute or two. At the bar, at the bus stop, WHEREVER. And while you’re down there? Streeeeeeeeetch those f*ckers.

The best remedy I’ve found for relieving my feet post-heels is soaking them in a hot bath and massaging/stretching them. Or, you know, get your husband to do it…

In my experience, there is nothing you can do to eliminate discomfort 100%. No pain, no gain. Right ladies? For now, the pain is worth it to me. If you prefer, you could always opt for total comfort:

Personally, I think the mental anguish of
wearing these would make plantar fasciitis
look like a friggin’ picnic. 

What tips do you have for pampering your piggies?

Shoes: The Wild Side

I tend to be a little gunshy about animal print, but these shoes beckoned to me.  Also, I enjoy taking gratuitous pictures of myself. I know, I know, pride comes before the fall. Fashion is danger!

I get some interesting looks when I wear this combo to work. And I love every frickin’ second of it.

Shoes: BCBGeneration Helara, $79.99 at Piperlime
Tights: Turquoise and Fuchsia, $15 (+shipping) at


What do you love to wear that gets odd looks from people?

Fall Favorites

First style post, wheeeeeeeeee! What do you wear when all your Halloween themed denim jumpers are in the wash (I’m lookin’ at you, third grade teachers)? It doesn’t matter much as long as you accessorize well. Here are what I consider to be staples for your fall wardrobe. Ready go!

1. Scarves. If you were stranded on a desert island and could only have one accessory, it should be a scarf (no utility belts, that’s cheating). My personal favorite right now is this Old Navy infinity scarf for about $15. This bright red hue is a compliment waiting — no, begging to happen.


2. Boots. 
They are a must. I’m a fatty, so finding something to fit my calves is a real challenge. Speaking of which, did they ever use that as a challenge on Biggest Loser? Anyway, the Zodiac Plies boot from DSW online is comfortable, stylish, versatile, and if they could talk I’m sure they’d be humble, too. Originally $170 down to $60! GO NOW.

3. Jackets.
So jackets maybe aren’t so much an “accessory.” JUST GO WITH IT. This one from Fashion Bug (I KNOW, RIGHT?) is hovering around $50, so keep your eyes peeled for sales. A structured jacket like this is an obvious mate for jeans, but I’ve already worn it with this dress (from Torrid) and the brown version of the Zodiac boot. Oh did I mention that was with colored tights? BOOM.


4. Tights. Speaking of tights, WHERE MY LADIES AT? In my opinion (and it’s the one that counts, check the url), a girl can never have too many varieties of tights. Solid tights, patterned tights, textured tights, I WANT THEM ALL. Where do I get them? Primarily from

They carry tights for fatties in all the same colors as they do for skinny b*tches! They have some cheaper ones for $9, but I tend to go for the $15 option. I think they are less susceptible to unwanted stretching. Added bonus: $5 flat shipping fee. 

Yeah, you love colors. WE FRIGGIN’ GET IT ALREADY.


There you have it, my picks for the fall of 2011. What are your favorite items for this time of year? Leave ‘em in the comments! I’M COUNTING ON YOU.