You guys, my husband and I just threw a righteous party. It felt great and I wanna tell you all about it, but I’m certain you have no shits to give about how my friends and I get our rocks off. So instead, I will give you some advice on how you, too, can throw a killer shindig.

1. Consider a Theme.
We randomly chose to throw a lightning strike awareness party in 2006, and the theme just stuck. Themes are great because you can use them as a jumping off point for the rest of your planning. Sure, an 80’s party is fun, but why go generic when you can create a theme that’s personal and unique?

This year’s beautiful poster courtesy of Zach Schweitzer.
I blurred our address because PARTY TIME IS OVER, A-HOLES.

2. Have awesome friends.
Oh, you completed this step already? Great. Now I want you to take those friends — even the weird ones — and invite them to be in the same place at the same time. CRAZY, I KNOW. But the magic of a good party is that your guests feel juuuust the right amount of stimulated. And one of the best ways to accomplish that is to surround them with others who are different enough to be intriguing, but similar enough that they have you in common. This is the best (and safest) kind of unpredictability. Oh, and uh, vodka.

3. Play weird music.
Ok, maybe not weird music. But… eclectic? Diverse? Gamut-running? And no, putting country and rap in the same playlist doesn’t qualify as variety, Cletus.

Joe likes 60’s music, funk, and obscure Brazilian shit. I like every genre that’s not those things, so we combined our powers and used them for good awesome. I also recommend allowing guests to contribute to the tunes. We shared a collaborative Spotify playlist with our pals (though it was in the eleventh hour so maybe we’ll get a better response next year). And, if possible, it’s a nice touch to exhibit whatever is “now playing” on a TV or computer screen for the more inquisitive of your visitors.

4. Feed them.
Anything. Seriously. You got this.

5. Relax.
I know, I know. You have so much prep to do! You wandered around the grocery store for 20 minutes trying to find Not Dogs and pita bread! Your patio door screeches like a banshee! The pretentious playlist you made (see #3) won’t display the album art of your local files in the media player you recently downloaded for that express purpose. And on top of all that, your plasma globe overheated and now you can’t get it to turn back on! Wait, that last one might just be me.

Look, it’s hard, I know. These are your friends. You want to impress them so they like you! But lemme tell you a secret: they already do.

So. Provide a clean location, some food, an atmosphere, and music. The party guests will do the rest, I promise. I mean, that’s why you invited them, right? Because they’re awesome.

Just like you.