I’m tired. I’m only 32 years old and I am overwhelmed by maintenance. It is hard being a girl if you want to be considered socially acceptable, let alone desirable. And even if you have your bodily sh*t together (okay fine, not the best turn of phrase), what about your lawn or your car or that leaky something-or-other you swore you’d fix when you moved in or YOUR KID? None of it will maintain itself. It is, I’m realizing, our purpose in life to just keep maintaining sh*t little by little until we die.

And can I just say I am SO OVER showering daily? Unfortunately, showing up in the office looking like I’m on the run from zombies isn’t the best career strategy, so I at least shower before work.

But if you must run from zombies, sleeping with
the boss is a valid strategy.

What follows is, from head to toe, a collection of things women are assumed or expected to do to our bodies in order to be seen/heard/smelled in public. By all means, feel free to add to it. Our culture has been doing so for centuries!

If we’re being good little girls, we will show up to work/happy hour/dates/parties with all of these things accomplished. I have to admit I’ve never had my ears pierced or dyed my hair, but I’ve felt pressured to do both. Also, I am [ahem] slightly behind schedule in my hair removal routine. What do you want from me? It’s frickin’ January, people.

At some point in my life, I have felt pressured to do every single thing on this list. And ladies? I. Am. EXHAUSTED.

Yep, seems about right. Especially the sound effects.

So, I’ve taken the liberty of drawing up what I believe to be a slightly more accurate depiction. At the very least, it’s closer to what goes on in my own head.

What about you? Which part of your daily/weekly/monthly routine do you find most irritating? What can you think of that I am forgetting (or maybe just in complete denial about)?