Podcast Episode 14: Prohibitchin’

Posted on April 15, 2013 by Addi

A drunk, an ex straight edge kid, and a teetotaler walk into a bar. Except it’s not a bar, it’s my basement studio, and we end up recording a whole podcast together. Do you have regrets from drinking and wish you could cut back? Or do you abstain because of your prudish upbringing? You can be a barfly on the wall for the entire conversation.

Click here to listen on iTunes.

Intro 00:00
- Doug is back! Milton is new!
- Thanks for the better title, Newt! I also loved “The Bourne Identiteetotal.”
- Don’t forget to check out our sponsors over at Arcade Comedy Theater!
- We have a new Facebook page! You should “Like” us.

Pod Pourri 04:23
- Doug talks drinking, Milton talks straight edge, and I admit to being a goody-goody.

Facebook Says 53:42
- New absurd jingle! I mean, really.
- I asked and you delivered, Facebook. Rug-burned boobs are a thing.

Games People Play 57:24
- Straight edge and teetotaling trivia! Which I completely made up!
- You might learn something. Please forgive us.

Outro 01:00:24
- I finally read some reviews on the air! You guys are too kind. And weird.
- These guys are on Twitter under @DJMuddy @rivalsanlendo!
- They’re also both on Instagram at @DJMuddy and @gamera138!
- My musical comedy duo Bait & Switch will be at Arcade Comedy Theater on Friday, April 19 for Fireside Chat with Mark & Jonathan, which is in late night talk show format!

Got any of your own drinking/teetotaler stories to share? Hit me up in the comments!

Podcast Episode 13: Born in a Small Town

Posted on April 8, 2013 by Addi

Were you born in a small town? The kind where everybody knows your name, and not in a happy “Cheers” kind of way? I chat with my new pal Chris Brown about growing up in what Wikipedia literally classifies as a “village.” Join us for this claustrophobic walk down memory lane.

Click here to listen on iTunes.

Intro 00:00
- My guest is Chris Brown! But not that Chris Brown! He’s tall. He draws stuff. He grew up in a small town. Aaaaand that’s all I know.
- As always, check out our sponsors over at Arcade Comedy Theater!
- While you’re at it, take a gander at the Toonseum!
- Some reviews are in, and I’ll be reading them on the next episode, good or bad. Yikes!

Pod Pourri 08:16
- Chris grew up in Panama, NY: population 479. Even smaller than he thought!
- Facebook Says!
- Chris has worked every job. Ever. We didn’t cover them all, but I just know.
- Turns out the best combo for a healthy social life is being on Twitter and… a bouncer?

Games People Play 56:40
- Small town trivia!

Outro 01:01:19
- You can find Chris and his art on Twitter, Tumblr, and Instagram!
- Bait & Switch is playing the Fireside Chat event at Arcade on April 19!

What say you, listeners, about small town life?

Podcast Episode 12: Pranks a Lot

Posted on April 1, 2013 by Addi

I’m not much of a prankster but the Cetras, who grew up in an Italian Catholic family with seven kids, LOVE a good prank. Gabe and Steve take us on a walk down memory lane, which is paved with practical jokes.

Intro 00:00
- We recorded on Easter, so we all had ham on the brain.
- Check out our sponsors, Arcade Comedy Theater! So much good comedy in the Burgh.
- If you rate & review me on iTunes, I will read your review on the air. Promise!

Pod Pourri 04:43
- Turds and poop? Always. Funny.
- Sometimes you keep your cool. Sometimes you call 911.
- Facebook Says! Man, you guys really delivered.
- “Poopin” proof, but blurred to protect the innocent:

Games People Play 56:51
- Gabe and Steve engage in a homemade pranks version of Would You Rather?

Outro 01:02:09
- Gabe and I are in Photo Joe & the Negatives together. Gabe is also proudly on Pinterest. He’ll master this technology thing yet!
- Steve runs Pittsburgh Punk Rock. You can get their t-shirts from Wildcard right now!

What other pranks have you pulled? Were you ever the victim of a practical joke gone wrong? Tell me in the comments!

Podcast Episode 11: Why the Long Facebook

Posted on March 25, 2013 by Addi

Ahh, The Facebook. We all love to hate it. Could we be more specific? Of course! John Hancock’s boredom and desperate need for attention have driven him to dream up projects to do on good ol’ FB. One could even say it has consumed him to a point. From the rules of unfriending to Facebook codependency, John gives us a glimpse inside his torrid love affair with the social network.

Intro 00:00
- John and I have only been around each other in person once or twice. I know him more through FB than real life.
- He DJed for the first time in 10 years this weekend!
- STOP BEING SO NERVOUS, JOHN.
- Check out our sponsors, Arcade Comedy Theater!

Pod Pourri 07:21
- Attempts at Facebook projects (tagging every single friend in a post, in a photo, etc.)
- Guidelines for “unfriending”:

Does Person A make actual interesting posts?
Does Person A show interest in my posts?
Is Person A related to me?
Have I seen Person A naked?
Will I feel guilty if I unfriend Person A?
Has Person A ever saved my life?
Is there any chance that I will want to invite Person A to an event?
Is Person A actually my friend?
Is Person A an actual human being and at least 16 years of age?
Does Person A respond desperately to the threat of being unfriended?

- Is it “Facebook” or “THE Facebook”?
- FACEBOOK SAYS: what we love and hate about the ‘book.
- John’s baby is THE cutest baby. Sorry, other babies!

- Also, example of one of the photos Devany posted of her son, who looks like singer-songwriter Ed Sheeran (and is also WAY UP THERE on the cuteness scale!):

- Nicknames! What did your parents call you growing up?
- Non-Facebook project: photographing your whole life and posting it to the web FOR THREE MONTHS.

Games People Play 54:48
- Fuck Facebook games.
- Quick Wit is a game John PROMISED we would play but he forgot to bring the cards, so… we improvised. Poorly.

Outro 01:05
- Thanks for playing, John! Please start your own podcast.
- John hates Twitter but he can be found there as @Hancock309, regardless. Also, anyone who friends him on Facebook as a result of this podcast, he will accept.
- General reminder that Arcade Comedy Theater is jumpin’ and you should get on that shit! The hilarious duo Truth in Advertising will be there this Friday, March 29!

No poking here, so leave a comment, please!

Podcast Episode 9: You Couldn’t Pay Me Enough

Posted on February 19, 2013 by Addi

What was your worst job ever? And how about gigs? Yeah man, we’ve all been there. Join me and my guests, comics Eric Donaldson and Derek Minto, as we tell tales of the worst jobs and shows we’ve ever had to perform.

Click here if you prefer to listen on iTunes.

00:00 Intro
- We reminisce about the grand opening of Arcade Comedy Theater!
- Check out “the yo-yo guy” Mark Hayward. He’s amazing!
- Derek climbed Mount Everest to do this podcast. Ok not really but almost.

05:14 Pod Pourri
- Bad jobs are bad. We hope KFC isn’t listening.
- SKUNKS.
- I nannied. ONCE.
- Enjoy stories from Facebook in our new segment, Facebook Says…
- Bad gigs are bad. And bad comedy gigs are the WORST.
- SINCERE DISCLAIMER: We do not condone the use of the word “retard” as a slur. Please consider the context.
- Comedy gets violent! For Derek, anyway.

57:10 Outro
- These guys are on Twitter! @eonhand, @hatersforhire, and @bringstheruckus!
- Derek does his own awesome podcast called Haters for Hire with comics from all around town. Check it out!
- Eric will be at Mullen’s on Carson for the Mitch Hedberg 45th Birthday show on Feb 24! He’ll also eventually be doing a “So Bad It’s Good” live hecklevision at The Hollywood Theater in Dormont, so follow them on Facebook for updates!
- Derek does two comedy open mic nights every Tuesday & Thursday at the Smiling Moose and Hambone’s, in case you ever wanted to try comedy!

So tell me, what were your worst jobs and gigs ever?

Flushed Out

Posted on February 8, 2013 by Addi

Those who know me well know that I am not afraid to do my business in a public restroom. This holds true at work, where I am quite comfy dropping an occasional afternoon deuce.

The maintenance woman usually comes around twice a day. In the last year or so, on more than one occasion, my bowels have scheduled a conference call with the City of Pittsburgh’s plumbing RIGHT before this poor unfortunate soul arrives. She rolls in with the cart and typically goes about her business regardless of any stalls that may be occupied, but on this particular day she must’ve had a bug up her ass.

Ahem, sorry. I meant stick up her ass. HEYWAITAMINUTE…

So, back to me. I’m sitting in the second stall, going about my biznasty and expecting her to finish up any minute now. I see her sneakers shuffle into the stall on my left and she flushes the toilet. She then bounces to the stall on my right and flushes there, too. Then she waltzes back to stall number one where she flushes again. Then back over to stall three for more flushing.

Aaaaaaand back to the first stall. Flush. Third stall. Flush. Left again, flush. Right again, flush. Left, flush. Right, flush. Left flush. Right flush. ONE FLUSH TWO FLUSH RED FLUSH BLUE FLUSH HEY DO YOU WANT ME TO JUST COME BACK LATER TO FINISH UP WITH THIS COMPLETELY NECESSARY BODILY FUNCTION? K NO PROBLEM BYEEEEEEE.

I became so weirded out by the whole thing that I got my shit together (SO TO SPEAK) and got the hell outta there.

Which was fine because I also kinda had the feeling I was being watched, y’know?

Your turn! Tell me all about how much you love public restrooms because nothing weird ever happens there.

MiscellAddious: The Musical

Posted on January 28, 2013 by Addi

Oh heyyyyyyyyy how are you? How about this weather we’re having? How’s your mom? How about my pathetic stalling tactics?

I’m sorry I neglected you AGAIN. I’ve been busy, honest. Ohhhhh, you’re busy too, huh? So you’re raising two kids, working full time, and running a charity? BIG WHOOP. Get back to me when you’ve eaten half a bowl of cookie dough and caught up on New Girl. Pssshhhhaw.

Arcade Comedy
On Friday night, the new Arcade Comedy Theater downtown opened its doors for the first time to the Cultural District Gallery Crawl. My husband and I, acting as comedy troupe Frankly Scarlett’s house band The Give-a-Damns, performed a couple of arcade themed covers (“Pinball Wizard” for example) and just generally wooed the crowds with our charm and talent.

Arcade has asked me to act as a musical talent and booking agent of sorts, so if you know a funny or unusual musical act in the area (or if you ARE one), please get in touch with me!

SWAN Day
This year, Camelia Road was asked to collaborate on SWAN’s closing number with fellow Pittsburgh artists Emay and Continuum Dance Theater. I‘ve always written my music alone and with my own methods, so collaborating with another musician in the writing stage has caused me some… uh… insecurity.

Oh, you want me to expose my vulnerability to others? BRB.

Yet Another Music Project
Sometimes I think I’m involved in plenty of musical endeavors and even just one more thing would break the singing camel’s back. Then someone starts talking me up about a new idea and I decide that it can’t POSSIBLY be a bad idea to get involved in more creative things because yay music! It’s kind of like that whole “God never gives us more than we can handle” saying, except in this scenario I guess I’m God? And I have to decide how much is too much for myself to handle, and I still haven’t resolved that rock-so-big-even-I-can’t-lift-it thing so how can I possibly be expected to figure this one out?

Ohhhhhhhhh, NOW it makes sense.

I’m sorry if this post proved disappointing because the title had you expecting a musical. Imagine how ambitious it would be to actually write one of those! That’s so much work¹!

So what are YOUR excuses for not posting on your blog more often? Tell me all about it in the comments!

¹Okay, yes, at some point I agreed to write a musical with a local theater company. Don’t look at me like that! The timeline is open-ended!

Podcast Episode 5: Sibling Revelry

Posted on December 10, 2012 by Addi

Intro
It’s the holidays, and that means spending LOTS of time with family. I decided it would make sense to share some childhood stories, so my guest this time around was my brother, Andrew. He also brought his dog Rusty, who didn’t have much to contribute to this topic. Probably because he’s an only child.

Click here if you prefer to listen on iTunes.

02:24 Pod Pourri
- Our childhood stories! Appendicitis, broken bones, and runaway cars! How did we survive?
- YOUR childhood stories! How did YOU guys survive stuffing each other into sleeping bags and beating the life out of each other until you passed out? Good grief.
- Twigg sibling musical tastes & harmonizing ESP

44:59 Games People Play
- MARIO KART BATTLE MODE!
- Whoops, we remembered some more childhood stories. Let’s add them here!
- Taboo ESP! Celebrity! Party games are where it’s at.
- We get our competitiveness honestly…

58:45 Outro
- Y’all can find Andrew on Twitter @andrewtwigg or on Instagram @andrew_twigg!
- Thanks for joining me, bro. I love you.
- Leave your sibling stories in the comments!

Down with a Sickness

Posted on November 26, 2012 by Addi

Dudes and lady dudes. The weather? I am under it.

I always feel slightly delirious when I get sick enough to be couch-ridden. I start contemplating what life will be like as a vegetable, which is kind of ironic because I typically don’t like vegetables and I’m super picky about the ones I eat. I mean, I like raw carrots but not cooked ones, and I like cooked asparagus but I don’t eat it raw. I like broccoli and cauliflower both ways, but now that I say that, it sounds kind of perverted so maybe forget I mentioned it.

Aaaaaaaaanyway, I’ve jotted down some of my thoughts over the last few days of misery. And by misery I mean slowly burying myself in an avalanche of tissues and despair.

Bathing is overrated! I hardly miss it.
What’s that smell?
If I could just relieve this congestion, I’d feel so much better!
If I could just stop my nose from running, I’d feel so much better!
If I could just get rid of this cough, I’d feel so much better!
If I could just get a complete respiratory system transplant but without having to have any actual surgery and just skip that whole part about taking drugs so that my body doesn’t reject it, I’d feel so much better!
Ahhhh, a little steam on my face feels really OH GOD MY NOSTRILS ARE SEARED
I bet seared nostrils are considered a delicacy somewhere in the world.

Know what? That’s probably enough for now. I should get back to my Mucinetflix.

Gravy Training

Posted on November 19, 2012 by Addi

Despite her children being in their 30′s, our mom is constantly dishing out the kind of advice that should be reserved for kindergarteners. This habit combined with the her being the meekest among us makes her an easy target for teasing. That is, until she becomes a moving target.

Every year at Thanksgiving dinner, we have delicious homemade gravy. And every year, Mom pours that gravy into a lovely white gravy boat on a lovely white gravy boat plate. And every year, when she picks up the plate to pass it to the person next to her, she reminds us to be careful because the gravy boat is not attached. And it’s the same for the next person. And the next person. And the person after that. And the dog. And the neighbors. And the mayor. And THE GRAVY BOAT IS NOT. FRICKING. ATTACHED. YOU GUYS.

Like any loving family should, we tease her mercilessly over this. Nowadays, we beat her to the punch, loudly and repeatedly reminding the table that the gravy boat is NOT ATTACHED, no matter who is doing the passing or receiving. But do you wanna know the funny thing? Regardless of who is doing the reminding, the effect is the same: we know to handle that boat with care.

By Thanksgiving Day of 2011, the dining room tables had turned. The gravy hardly got passed even once before Mom suddenly burst out giggling. When she finally caught her breath, she proudly explained that she had just pranked us — by using sticky tack to ATTACH THE GRAVY BOAT TO THE GRAVY BOAT PLATE.

Turns out? Sticky tack melts under gravy-serving temperature, which ultimately taught Mom a tougher, gummier lesson than the rest of us when it came time to do the dishes. I’d like to say the joke was on her, but let’s be honest: the rest of us learned a lesson that day, and it was one we will never, ever forget.

And that? That’s something I’m thankful for.