Podcast Episode 5: Sibling Revelry

Intro
It’s the holidays, and that means spending LOTS of time with family. I decided it would make sense to share some childhood stories, so my guest this time around was my brother, Andrew. He also brought his dog Rusty, who didn’t have much to contribute to this topic. Probably because he’s an only child.

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02:24 Pod Pourri
- Our childhood stories! Appendicitis, broken bones, and runaway cars! How did we survive?
- YOUR childhood stories! How did YOU guys survive stuffing each other into sleeping bags and beating the life out of each other until you passed out? Good grief.
- Twigg sibling musical tastes & harmonizing ESP

44:59 Games People Play
- MARIO KART BATTLE MODE!
- Whoops, we remembered some more childhood stories. Let’s add them here!
- Taboo ESP! Celebrity! Party games are where it’s at.
- We get our competitiveness honestly…

58:45 Outro
- Y’all can find Andrew on Twitter @andrewtwigg or on Instagram @andrew_twigg!
- Thanks for joining me, bro. I love you.
- Leave your sibling stories in the comments!

F*ck the Halls, Just Deck the Doors

I love Christmastime. I’m a big ol’ sap for it. YES, THAT IS A TREE JOKE.

Even though I’m not as close-knit with my family as many others are, I tend to romanticize spending time with them over the holidays. Unfortunately, I’m not into decorating much. My laziness totally beats out my enthusiasm like some sort of rock-paper-scissors game where it’s enthusiasm instead of a rock and laziness instead of paper. Except there’s no third thing to balance them out, and it doesn’t totally make sense because wouldn’t you consider rocks to be lazier than paper? I mean, rocks just sit there. At least paper is useful.

So what solved my decorating dilemma? For the last few years, mom and dad have sent me a beautiful Christmas wreath to hang on my front door. I’ve decided this wreath is all the decoration I’ll ever need, and for a number of reasons.

5. It goes on the outside of the door, so there’s no mess inside the house! I don’t have to complain incessantly! At least not specifically about this!

4. It’s from mom and dad, so it makes me think of them.

3. These things last FOR. EVER.  Seriously, I think we finally got rid of it in like March last year. They’re like the Twinkies of the Christmas decoration world. This is doubly awesome because my aforementioned laziness prevents me from disposing of them promptly. Then again, who doesn’t love Christmas in July!

2. People who see my home only from the outside will notice the lovely wreath and assume my entire house is decorated perfectly and smells of sugar cookies and Christmas boners. Which is probably redundant because I imagine Christmas boners probably smell like sugar cookies.

1. In case you hadn’t noticed, my last name is Twigg. Technically, all I really need to do is keep myself decorated, which I do year ’round, y’all. YES, THAT IS ANOTHER TREE JOKE.

What are your favorite Christmas decorations?

MiscellAddious: Summer Slump Edition

Well howdy, y’all. Let’s get personal.

- Had an a cappella gig last night, outdoors at the Green Tree farmer’s market. The weather was perfect, the crowd was lovely, and the group was relaxed and we had a great time. We even debuted “Somebody Told Me” by The Killers and no one passed out from a lack of breath or anything!

- What’s the first thing that comes to mind when you think mid-August? Lemme guess: Christmas, right? I KNEW IT! Well you’re in luck, because the rest of the Friendly Beasts and I are working on our next Christmas album as we speak. The only problem is you have to wait until December for it. I know, I know, you’ll already be gearing up for Valentine’s Day then! But I have a feeling this one’ll be another doozy. Hold on to your Santa hats!

- Camelia Road has an event coming up Sunday, August 26 called the Spa 54 Parking Lot Party. We’ll be playing for about 90 minutes starting at noon. Come check out the vendors and grab some food to the sweet sounds of our harmonic voices, yo.

- I don’t look very sporty. If I were the 6th Spice Girl, I’d be called “Portly Spice.” I can’t jump and I don’t run, but you know what? I’m good at volleyball. I have a mean overhand serve and I know how to make a steady pass. I used to play intramural ball in college and even played in a league in Pittsburgh a couple years ago, but I can no longer commit to the weekly schedule that league requires. So what’s a girl to do? Join Meetup.com and immediately find a league to start playing in casually? Don’t mind if I do!

Meetup.com: It’s not just for sexytimes anymore! (Feel free to use that tagline, guys.)

- Keep those questions/topics coming for the podcast! That I might do someday! When I have time! Maybe I should just call it the Potential Podcast. For rill.

Christmas Ham Calamity (Almost)

Our family has occasionally indulged in a spiral baked ham for Christmas, but our usual tradition is to make glazed ham loaf. It’s meatloaf, but with ham. I mean, well, ham is also meat.  So technically I guess it’s still meatloaf. But COME ON. If you were expecting meatloaf and someone plopped a ham loaf in front of you, you’d be all, “Why is it pink and shaped like a giant egg?” or ”I can’t put ketchup on this!” or “I’m a vegetarian so I wouldn’t eat either of the aforementioned items, which are both made of meat.”

Mmmmmmmmeat.

A more recent tradition we’ve started is for dad to make a yule log, which is basically ice cream rolled up in cake and covered with hot fudge. Due to a series of misunderstandings I could only explain if I started a new blog (www.twiggfamilycalamities.com, perhaps?), when it came time to glaze the ham, my brother started globbing spoonfuls of brown, glaze-like goop onto it. Mom turned around, in pretty epic slow motion if my memory serves, and gasped. She then proceeded to exclaim, in her most horrified voice,  ”OH NO THAT’S NOT THE GLAAAAAZE!”

Turns out, hot fudge slides right off of fresh-out-of-the-oven ham loaf if you run it under tap water before you finish baking it. Also turns out the yule log isn’t nearly as tasty when there’s a shortage of hot fudge.

At least it looks pretty, right?

We came together as a family to overcome this catastrophe as stronger, wiser people. I like to think it was a Christmas miracle.

I hope everything went smoothly with your loved ones this weekend. If not, however, please dish in the comments!

The Most Wonderful Time

Today I was thinking about everything I have to accomplish before Christmas and then I was like WAIT I HAVE THAT BLOG.

So, um, sorry? For neglecting you. And stuff.

It’s like, one moment you’re daydreaming about what holiday packages might be waiting on your doorstep after work, and next thing you know it’s already 3:45 and you haven’t eaten your lunch yet. So you have something delivered to your work to save time, but that totally backfires when twenty minutes later you’re calling the Jimmy John’s from right across the street feeling like a total moron for not walking the whole 40 extra feet to pick up the damn sandwich.

Point A is my desk, Point B is Jimmy Johns, and the image of my face is where I wait for the delivery because you guys, what if I walk over there only to find out I just missed the delivery guy, and I have to walk all the way back across the street without my coat on and STILL SANS SANDWICH? But I don’t want to call after only ten minutes because then they’ll be all “BLT? More like B*TCH-L-T, amiright!?” So I wait twenty minutes then call and the delivery guy magically shows up while I’m on the phone.

Abracaf*ckin’dabra.

So I get back to my desk and promptly open the Dr. Pepper that’s been shaking around in my purse because I’ve always wondered what it would be like to spray soda all over my keyboard and off-white sweater, which now has spots of off-off-off-white, which is like off-off-off-Broadway but stickier and even less pretentious.

Then after work I walk around the corner to the USPS to mail some special packages to some special ladies but the they’ve closed an hour earlier than the internet claims they do, which is especially frustrating because I didn’t make it yesterday due to CRAY CRAY rush hour traffic.

I begin to wonder if it’s all worth it, because really Christmas has become so materialistic that maybe this year I should scrap it all and just make donations to a bunch of charities for WAIT A MINUTE THERE’S A FEDEX NEAR WHERE I PARKED.

Oh FedEx, you’re open so many hours later than the USPS which is perfect because I’ve already f*cked up two address labels and might be here until close.

But it’s all worth it because I finally get home when I see it, that old familiar view — the glorious, breathtaking Amazondotcom Mountain Range, which spans majestically across My Front Porch, Pennsylvania.

I conquered the sh*t out of that mountain and I’m expecting the book deals to come pouring in any day now. Also, I just found a Milky Way Dark in my purse.

I got to say, it was a good day.

So, what was I saying? Oh yeah, I should post more. Sorry.