My lovely friend Abby commented on my first shoe-porn post to ask if I had any tips for wearing heels. Here they are, in all their glory.

I don’t remember when my obsession with shoes began because it was before the memory part of my brain developed. Ok, I’m exaggerating (A LITTLE). As a kid, I could not get enough of my mom’s or her friends’ high heels. I was constantly sneaking into their closets to steal them, even into my pre-teen years.

That’s right. I ride bareback, b*tches. 

Now I’m 32 and my stamina just ain’t what it used to be. I’m not ready to give them up just yet, so I do what I can to make them as comfortable as possible. Here are my tips, in no particular order…

Shoe Structure
If you like ’em high, look for something with a platform to give the illusion of height without the discomfort. I have several pairs like this that are far more comfortable than they look. For example, the shoe pictured here might look like a medieval torture device, but it is shockingly kind to my feet. I also recommend shoes with straps when possible. Your foot doesn’t have to work as hard to stay in the shoe. And yes, I am fully aware of how stupid that sentence is. Just go with it.

Padding
This is a no-brainer, but the kind of pads you buy might be a little tricky. I highly recommend the grippy rubber kind over the clear gel pads. Foot Petals are great for the ball of your foot because they add padding and grip. Buyer beware: the Target knockoffs fell apart under my feet. I mean, I know I’m a fatty but COME ON.

I also swear by heel liners, which help prevent blisters and keep your heel from slipping out of the shoe. I’ve put them in pretty much every pair of heels I own. You can find the Dr. Scholl’s version of these in drugstores. for ~$5.

Friction Reduction
A lot of brands make what you’d basically call chapstick for your feet. The Dr. Scholl’s version is called Rub Relief. You can find it in any drugstore. It reduces discomfort from friction and helps prevent blisters and other irritations. The only rub (HA!) is that it sorta, um, lubes up your feet? So depending on the shoe, you could find yourself sliding right out of them.

Backup Flats
Dr. Scholl’s makes Fast Flats, which you can also find in drugstores. I don’t own these, but a few of my friends do. They’re nice because they can roll up into a compact little ball in your purse. Wearing flats to commute is smart because it spares your feet and prevents unnecessary wear and tear on your pumps. When I have a gig, I often try to wear flats until the very last second before we go on.

Sitting Pretty
Have a seat. No, seriously, sit the f*ck down. This might seem stupid and/or obvious, but if you’re in killer heels and you know you might be on your feet a lot for an event, sit down anytime you get the chance. Even if just for a minute or two. At the bar, at the bus stop, WHEREVER. And while you’re down there? Streeeeeeeeetch those f*ckers.

Recovery
The best remedy I’ve found for relieving my feet post-heels is soaking them in a hot bath and massaging/stretching them. Or, you know, get your husband to do it…

In my experience, there is nothing you can do to eliminate discomfort 100%. No pain, no gain. Right ladies? For now, the pain is worth it to me. If you prefer, you could always opt for total comfort:

Personally, I think the mental anguish of
wearing these would make plantar fasciitis
look like a friggin’ picnic. 

What tips do you have for pampering your piggies?