Staycation, All I Ever Wanted

My family is usually on Lake Erie in Vermilion, Ohio at this time of year, where we stay in a gated community called Linwood. My now octogenarian grandfather vacationed there when he was a boy. Unfortunately, his health is not so great this year, so we’re making the most of just chillin’ as a family and staying at my parents’ new home, where Grandpa has a sweet-ass finished basement/bachelor pad.

Grandpa Norman, how come your bed is vibrating?

Last night we swam in two different pools (first our friend Dave’s, then mom & dad’s) and worked up some Olympic-sized appetites. This resulted in the inevitable MIDNIGHT SNACK. Let’s see how the contestants faired, shall we?

Joe’s snack:
1. Chex mix, 2 points. Oh, it was homemade? 10 bonus points.
2. A handful of Jelly Bellies, 5 points for not caring what flavors you picked.


Addi’s snack:
1. Two pieces of cooked turkey bacon found in the fridge (so good cold!), 2 points.
2. Cape Cod potato chips with Helluva Good dip (and let’s be real, people, BRAND NAMES MATTER HERE), 8 points.
3. A Hershey’s Special Dark candy bar… which was found at the bottom of the pantry, 5 points. WITH A FLASHLIGHT? 10 points.


Unfortunately, we still haven’t found my dignity or self-control.

It shouldn’t surprise anyone that I win at snacktime. When you raid the kitchen late at night, what’s it usually for?